To Live
by ShamanQueenAnna
Summary: It's Rukia, it's Ichigo, it's fluffy, and it's sad. Well, sad-ish. And there's a hint of RukiaIchigo (sorry, but I 3 them). It also has spoilers for chapters 116-117, so you know, beware.


Ok, so this is not mine and all. It all belongs to Kubo Tite, the master genius who I have a massive crush on. This is my first attempt with Bleach, so forgive me. I have spent a lot of time with the manga lately, and this is the result. It's a total stream of conscious thing...I just sort of let myself go. It may seem a bit sappy in places, but that's just the kind of girl I am. Heehee! Please enjoy!

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I can't remember ever feeling so helpless in my life. There I was, standing in my cell with two people I hardly knew. Hanatarou, the young medic and Ganjyu, the brother of...well, the brother of him. They were certainly not who I expected to see on a rescue mission. Inoue and Chad perhaps, possibly Ishida who had stood up for me before. But not these two.

I can't help but wonder why they are here. Ganjyu hates me and with good reason. I killed his brother. But he doesn't understand the circumstances...he couldn't possibly understand that I had my heart ripped out of my chest at that moment. How could he? And Hanatarou, the boy who spent his days trying to make me feel the tiniest bit better. I can hardly remember what I told him now...something about the human world I'm sure. He seemed so interested. The foods I ate, the clothes I wore, the friends I made, the people I loved...

My older brother is coming, and nothing either of these two can do could possibly stop him. They will just end up dead, and that shouldn't happen. Not for my sake. Ganjyu refuses to protect me. Good. Leave. Take Hanatarou and run as far in the opposite direction that you can. And please tell Ichigo...tell him to do the same. He owes me nothing and I owe him everything and he should just go home and live. Live and enjoy life. I'm not worth any of this. I'm nothing.

Hanatarou insists on facing my brother. He doesn't even have a weapon! I try to stop him; I yell and struggle but Ganjyu insists on holding me back. Let me stop him. No one should die for me. Now Ganjyu is going to face him. Why? Why would a man who hates me do this? Nothing makes sense. Nothing has made any sense since that first time I met Ichigo. What is it about that boy that causes the world around him to turn to chaos?

Ganjyu is going to be killed. I want to stop him, but I can't. The spiritual pressure out here is enormous. I can barely even stand much less run to stop them. Hanatarou has some misplaced faith in him, but I know better. He will die. They both will. And then it will be my turn. So just leave so you can live a little longer at least.

I sit on my hands and knees just trying to take it all in. My brother attacks, but Ganjyu still stands. So my brother goes for the quick kill. I can't take it anymore. I scream louder than I have ever screamed in my life for him to run. My voice sounds so harsh that he must have heard. He had to hear. Run you idiot Shiba, run!

But he doesn't. I beg my brother to stop. There's so much blood, so much Shiba blood. I can't take this. I watched Kaien die, I shouldn't have to do the same for Ganjyu. My chest gets tighter and tighter. I don't know if I can possibly breathe any more. Then Captain Ukitake, my captain, stops him. Captain Ukitake makes a joke about me losing weight; he always used to tell me that if I got any smaller I would float away. The pressure in my chest releases a bit. Maybe Captain Ukitake can make things better. He can at least save these two.

Suddenly I feel another great spiritual pressure. But this one is just as familiar as that of my brother. Maybe even more so. I look up, and that's when I see him. Just a speck in the sky, but I would know that figure anywhere. This person who I know better than I know myself. The one I have trusted more than anyone I have ever known. This man who I have thought about constantly since we met. I lived in his closet, fought with him, spent every waking hour with him...

...the one person I least wanted to see here. Why didn't he listen? He should be home arguing with his sisters and fighting his father and then reading up on the latest manga or video game. Instead he's here. And it's all my fault.

He watches me as he flies, but I cannot read what he is thinking. He lands directly in front of me. If nothing else, it was a magnificent entrance. He'll have that much at least. I want to say something, anything. I try to say his name, catch his attention, but he walks right past me. Never even glances my way. I hear him talk to Hanatarou, but I barely register what he is saying. And then I hear it. Quite possibly the sweetest sound I have ever heard...Ichigo calls my name. He tells me he's come to save me. He still can't look at me though. Look at me Ichigo! Do something. Don't stand there like you heart hasn't skipped a few beats. Like you can breathe normally. Like you feel nothing.

I just stare at him because I cannot believe he is here. I am willing him to do something, say something that will make me feel better, because I have never felt worse in my life. This man will die because of me. I look at him and see everything he could do, everything he could become given the chance. But he won't be given the chance. Because of me.

He asks me why I am making this face at him. He is coming to rescue me so I should be happy. If only he knew. I feel my eyes well up with tears, but I don't care. I told him not to come. I forbade him to come. There are bandages covering his abdomen, some of them blood soaked. And the thing I know, the thing I can't get past is that this is for me. This is my fault. It's my turn to stare at the ground, unable to look at him. How can you face someone who is risking their life for you when you don't deserve it?

He tells me that I can get as angry as I want after he defeats my brother. I say his name, wanting to tell him to stop. Wanting to tell him to just leave while he can. Save himself. He's much more worth it than I. Now he's yelling at me. Telling me that he's not going to leave no matter what I say and that he will drag me out of here if he has to. He doesn't. I would love to go back with him. But I can't. He yells some more and now my temperature is rising. Who does he think he is? He knows nothing about this world other than what I have told him. What kind of stupid rescue attempt is this?

We argue some more, and then glare at each other. Our usual afternoon activity. I can't help but smile a bit. Some things will never change. But as he tells me not to worry about him, I am quickly reminded how much is at stake. How much he is staking for me. He tells me he will not die yet, and I remember similar words from someone I had similar feelings for...and I can't take it. I close my eyes to block out the memories and Ichigo's slight smile. I can't do this.

Ichigo goes to my brother, and the spiritual pressure grows. How could he have possible improved this much in so little time? I thought I had stopped underestimating him, but I was wrong. Ichigo is so much more than even I would have thought. My brother disappears and I tense up, knowing what is coming. But Ichigo stops him. He saw every movement. So my brother goes for another quick kill. I scream again and tell Ichigo to run away. I thought my voice was harsh before, but it was nothing compared to now. But before anything happens, a woman appears.

My brother says she's Yoruichi. I know that name. A very powerful woman. Ex-commander of special operations. An ex-general. She disappeared and everyone thought she had died. Ichigo tells her to step aside, but she merely jabs her hand into his wound. I am stunned, wondering why she would do this. Captain Ukitake asks if she is saving him. She just walks away with Ichigo on her shoulder. My brother goes at her, but for once I see him at a loss. He cannot hit her. She tells him that Ichigo will be stronger than him in 3 days and is off.

I don't know what to feel. Part of me is happy. Ichigo is safe. He will be protected. Maybe this Yoruichi can prevent him from coming back. She can keep him away if she wants. I should be glad. Ichigo has been given the stay of execution he wanted for me. But I'm not entirely happy. Seeing Ichigo just then was one of the scariest and most exciting moments I have had in a long time. Maybe ever. But just like that he is gone. Whisked away on the shoulders of a legend made real. I know I shouldn't, but I want him to come back. I want him to come yell at me and smile at me and all those things we always do. I want to live.


End file.
